The Cupboard Fiasco

So as I mentioned, yesterday was Pioneer Day, which for the BFF and I was a mostly uneventful day. We did try bread in the solar oven, which unfortunately got a little undercooked thanks to clouds blocking the sun and dropping the temp. They weren’t terrible, just not as good as usual. But believe you me in a disaster scenario, fresh bread is almost as good as fresh cookies.

So it’s getting to be evening time and I’m making some strawberry salsa (super delish!).


The BFF said something about hitting her head on the cupboard. This is one of those desks built into the wall with cupboards above. Those cupboards can be dangerous peeps, be forewarned.

Not able to do much more than acknowledge how much that can suck, I decide to grab an icepack to help bring down the swelling on the goose egg that’s no doubt swelling on the top of her head. She still has her hands clamped over the point of impact and I hold out the little Spider-man ice pack.

“Here you go.”

Then the BFF moves her hands.


It’s not often I’m taken by surpreeze (which seems far more dramatic than surprise). But good gracious folks, it done look like a zombie what done bit a big chunk out of her head.

“Don’t freak out on me!” she cries. “It’s not helping.”

“Sorry!” I say, running for paper towels to stop Old Faithful from erupting even further.

Now once upon a time she got a nasty cut on her hand and we’d read about how cayenne pepper stops bleeding and it worked like a charm on that cut. I make her sit in a chair to apply the cayenne, but then she thinks it would be helpful to see what kind of wound graces her forehead. (Note to people in Jae’s shoes: don’t let the zombie-bitten see their wound.)


The thing is, the BFF recently changed jobs and the new one is contract work as a tour guide—which is awesome—but it doesn’t have insurance—which isn’t awesome. She has the disaster insurance. You know, if you had to be life flighted somewhere. It’s one of those high-deductible so the bills don’t break the bank types. Basically stitches would be out of pocket cost. And the thing is, it’s Pioneer Day, which means everywhere except the expensive emergency room is closed.

We think: Maybe we can use butterfly bandages and put them on well enough to keep the wound together long enough to wait until first thing tomorrow.

So we get this wimpy oral water syringe (all they’ve got) and saline solution and bandages and give it a go. The problem is the cut is right along the hairline, and guess how well bandages work to stick on hair.

Not well at all.

I tried trimming her hair just a little bit so maybe a bandage would fit, but there just wasn’t enough room unless I made it severely obvious we trimmed a significant portion of her hair.

The BFF has this uncle who’s a physician, but the problem is he’s up on holiday 5 hours away, and it’s already getting close to 9 p.m. She sends him a picture text to at least see how important stitches are. Maybe they’re not that important.

“Oh,” he tries to say calmly. “Well, um, maybe I can think of someone down there to recommend to you. Or maybe you should drive up here.”

And then he mentions his son—her cousin—that lives just 2.5 hours away. (I say just because we figure it’s better to do a 5-hour round trip than a 10-hour one). By this time it’s 9:30, but I strongly encourage her to call the cousin because I’ve been thinking this thing needs stitches the whole time. It’s just hard, though, when you’ll have to pay a good portion of it out of pocket.

And if you remember about a year ago, Jae herself had to go to the ER to get stitches, and even with insurance it still end up costing me $300+.

She gets hold of her cousin and since she’s injured and still exhausted from a recent tour for work, I decide I’ve got to be the wheelman. And if I’m going to be the wheelman on this boring-as-the-drive-to-Vegas drive, we’re doing it all in one go. Plus I have work in the morning, and I’m the type that prefers to push it to be in my own bed rather than sleep on someone’s couch for the night.

We put pedal to the metal and cruise out to her cousin. It’s kind of a treacherous road because there is TONS of wildlife in this area. In fact, you wouldn’t believe the number of dead animals already on the road. And there’s nothing more nerve-racking than nearly hitting a deer (unless you actually hit the deer).

But we make it.

We head over to the clinic with her cousin and he shoots her wound full of Novocaine, which is the best drug ever known to mankind. I’m telling ya, my leg got shot full of it with my injury, and you feel like you could run 7 marathons. It’s a beautiful, beautiful drug and I feel more than awful for those poor pioneers who got injured while getting out here and didn’t have some Novocaine to tide them over. Who loves living in the 21st century? That’s me!

One funny thing. Her cousin probably injects her wound a million times, and after all that poking, it’s bleeding like a zombie bite again. The funny part is what she asks me next?

“So how does it look?” she says.


“Did he do a good job stitching me up?”

Awwwww, poor thing. “Sorry, friend, no. He’s only just numbed you.”

“Say what?!”

After scrubbing her wound to get it nice and clean, he prepares to suture it up, and I’m totally interested at this point because I recently stumbled across this video. [WARNING: Not for the squeamish. Just keep reading instead of watching.]

So now I’m like, “Ooooh! Can I watch?”

And he says, “Of course.”

The fangirl of survivalist stuff inside of me is screaming: It’s just like the video!!!! It’s just like the VIDEO!!!!

Anyways, he did some really nice stitches. I know this pic looks a little goopy, but the skin is back together and hopefully there will be very little scarring.


The cupboard fiasco was coming to an end.

We thanked the cousin and despite invitations to stay the night, I pushed for going home. All I needed was a Cherry Coke Zero and some Whoppers and I’d be good for another couple of hours. Unfortunately I only got the CCZ and some nasty pretzel M&Ms. Who doesn’t carry Whoppers?! But at least the only open store in this really, really small town had Root Beer froyo and that made us happy.

Sometimes to entertain ourselves on insanely boring drives, we make up songs. I have a decent knack for coming up with lyrics on the spot to fit the situation we’re in. So to end our story, I present to you Sharp Cupboard Door set to the tune of Smooth Criminal. I’ll post the video below so you can get the rhythm of the lyrics.

I was making salsa in the kitchen, we were okay.But then I heard you screaming, you were flailing, near the cupboard.
I came running over, I had an ice pack, you were moaning.
Then I saw the blood spurt, it was all on the carpet.

Kelly, are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay, Kelly?
Kelly, are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay, Kelly?
Kelly, are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay, Kelly?

You’ve been hit by, you’ve been struck by, a sharp cupboard door.

The moral of the story: close your cupboard doors before sitting down.


10 thoughts on “The Cupboard Fiasco

    • Thanks, I’ll let her know. Poor thing. 😦 I told her to *please* take it easy today. Glad you liked the pics! I did them all in computer. It’s coming along. 🙂

  1. First, I’m glad she was ok. Cupboard corners are dangerous things.
    I would have just wrapped her head in duct tape, but that might not have been good coming off.
    There is also liquid bandaid, but I don’t know if that would have been effective with that big of a cut.
    As it was pioneer day, you could taken a pile of gauze pads and then wrapped her head to keep the bandage in place. It might make her tours more exciting.
    Also, I agree pretzel M&M’s don’t taste very good.

    • Aren’t pretzel M&Ms the biggest disappointment ever? I’d rather just eat plain M&Ms at this point.

      She definitely needed stitches, so I’m glad that’s where we ended up. But yeah, Pioneer Day did cause me to wonder about medical care back in the day. Yikes…

  2. Ouch, I’m sorry. That looks like a nasty one. It makes me sad that your medical care is so expensive but I’m glad it worked out 🙂

    • Someone should do a “suitures only” clinic, where all they do is stitches. It would free up the hospitals so they had more space for the big emergencies and docs of all types could stay in practice with doing sutures. But that’s just me trying to solve problems with logic. 😉 Yeah, it sucks to be without good insurance. I think there’s accidental that’s not super expensive that she plans to get to supplement, but not so helpful when you didn’t expect to bang your head into a cupboard. 😦

      • Logic would work, rather than all the red tape. It’s a good idea, and we have something similar here. They are walk in clinics for minor problems, but more serious than a GP visit. Like an in between. Having to have insurance for an ER visit is so inconceivable to me. I think I’ll stay where I am…I’m very clumsy 🙂

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