Spammers Greatest Hits

Who here on WordPress sure appreciates the spam filter? Yep, I thought so. Do you ever browse the spam folder? Call it an OCD thing, but sometimes I’ll go through and delete stuff just to have it gone. It’s like checking your voicemail just so that little icon up in the corner of your phone will go away.

I was going to select delete all, but some of these spam comments are just too good to pass up. I wonder if poor English is one of the qualifiers. (NOTE: If I were a spammer spamming sites in Spanish or Japanese, I’m sure my comments would sound similar.)

And now, may I present to you:

SPAMMER ONE

Our first spam comes from the illustrious commenter, OneMinuteHerpesCure.com. Wait, what? Seriously? Well, aside from offering anyone a herpes cure in one minute (um…) One had a lot of nice things to say. Don’t they all?

I kind of want to use that phrase “if you usually don’t mind” just to see what reactions it gets from people. It’s not technically wrong, just a weird way to phrase it. I actually do want to eat your hamburger if you usually don’t mind.

SPAMMER TWO

Our next spam comes from Cold Calling System, whose biggest problem in the universe is that people are trying to steal his content. I don’t know about you, but the first thing I want to blog about in the morning is how to cold call people. (For those uncertain about what cold calling is, another word that may describe it better is telemarketing.)

There’s nothing I hate more than getting plagorized. I’ve got a co-worker in the office right now that’s coughing up her lungs, inspiring all of us to come up with creative ways to avoid her completely. You might call her a plagorist.

SPAMMER THREE

Our third spammer actually bothered to put a name in his comment, Davis. He’s very confused about things and life in general, but once he’s figured out where he is he divines the future and tells you about your career in blogging. Let’s have a look.

I don’t even understand how Davis finished up here. But I believe this comment used to be great. I don’t recognize who he might be but definitely he is going to be a well-known spammer if he isn’t already. Cheers, Davis!

SPAMMER FOUR

The last spammer I will present to you today is the illustrious More hints—the kind of spammer name that leaves you with more questions. More is probably schizophrenic, but at least he she they are nice (sort of).

Well thanks, More, I guess. You amazingly have me very likely I’m want to delete your comment. Thank you for sharing with us (<–see this time it actually works) your spam.

CONCLUSION

Those poor little spammers do try their hardest, don’t they? God bless ’em. 😥 Thanks More, Davis, Cold, and One for brightening our days in one way or another.

So now I’m curious. If some of you are dashing off to your spam boxes, please post here and let us know some of your spammers greatest hits. Or if you’d like, feel free to use the main graphic above, create your own post and pingback here so we can see some of the great things you received. Who knows, maybe some of my spammers are your spammers too. It’s a small world after all. But if you don’t feel up to a full post, the comment section is just fine.

And one more thing…