Spammers Greatest Hits

Who here on WordPress sure appreciates the spam filter? Yep, I thought so. Do you ever browse the spam folder? Call it an OCD thing, but sometimes I’ll go through and delete stuff just to have it gone. It’s like checking your voicemail just so that little icon up in the corner of your phone will go away.

I was going to select delete all, but some of these spam comments are just too good to pass up. I wonder if poor English is one of the qualifiers. (NOTE: If I were a spammer spamming sites in Spanish or Japanese, I’m sure my comments would sound similar.)

And now, may I present to you:

spam jae scribbles

SPAMMER ONE

Our first spam comes from the illustrious commenter, OneMinuteHerpesCure.com. Wait, what? Seriously? Well, aside from offering anyone a herpes cure in one minute (um…) One had a lot of nice things to say. Don’t they all?

spam comments

I kind of want to use that phrase “if you usually don’t mind” just to see what reactions it gets from people. It’s not technically wrong, just a weird way to phrase it. I actually do want to eat your hamburger if you usually don’t mind.

SPAMMER TWO

Our next spam comes from Cold Calling System, whose biggest problem in the universe is that people are trying to steal his content. I don’t know about you, but the first thing I want to blog about in the morning is how to cold call people. (For those uncertain about what cold calling is, another word that may describe it better is telemarketing.)

spam comments

There’s nothing I hate more than getting plagorized. I’ve got a co-worker in the office right now that’s coughing up her lungs, inspiring all of us to come up with creative ways to avoid her completely. You might call her a plagorist.

SPAMMER THREE

Our third spammer actually bothered to put a name in his comment, Davis. He’s very confused about things and life in general, but once he’s figured out where he is he divines the future and tells you about your career in blogging. Let’s have a look.

spam comments

I don’t even understand how Davis finished up here. But I believe this comment used to be great. I don’t recognize who he might be but definitely he is going to be a well-known spammer if he isn’t already. Cheers, Davis!

SPAMMER FOUR

The last spammer I will present to you today is the illustrious More hintsβ€”the kind of spammer name that leaves you with more questions.Β More is probably schizophrenic, but at least he she they are nice (sort of).

spam commentWell thanks, More, I guess. You amazingly have me very likely I’m want to delete your comment. Thank you for sharing with us (<–see this time it actually works) your spam.

CONCLUSION

Those poor little spammers do try their hardest, don’t they? God bless ’em. πŸ˜₯ Thanks More, Davis, Cold, and One for brightening our days in one way or another.

So now I’m curious. If some of you are dashing off to your spam boxes, please post here and let us know some of your spammers greatest hits. Or if you’d like, feel free to use the main graphic above, create your own post and pingback here so we can see some of the great things you received. Who knows, maybe some of my spammers are your spammers too. It’s a small world after all. But if you don’t feel up to a full post, the comment section is just fine.

And one more thing…

plagorized jae scribbles

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22 thoughts on “Spammers Greatest Hits

    • LOL. Glad I’m not the only one. Most of them are garbage, but after catching sight of a couple, I had to hold onto a few for a post just like this. πŸ˜‰

  1. OMG! That post was the funniest thing to read. Love the “Don’t get plagorized” sign! I was disappointed to get to the end. You have to do more of these posts! And I would totally do the spammers thing on my blog and ping you, but I only get “enlarge your penis” ads in my spam box. Funny thing is, I don’t have a penis. πŸ™‚

    • I’m sure someday Davis will make his way into your spam filter too. I’m glad you enjoyed them. Yeah, I had too much fun putting this together, so I’ll definitely have to do a sequel. Glad you enjoyed it!

  2. That was hilarious. I know what you mean about spammers, though. Most of the spam I get links back to designer knock-off websites and other completely unrelated nonsense, but once in a while I do have some gems. Oh, and I want to hang your Don’t Get Plagorized sign on my wall.

    • Aw, thanks! Yeah, I’m thinking about making the “Don’t Get Plagorized” into a T-shirt or mugs or something on Zazzle. Maybe I’ll send you a print in the future when I get around to it.

  3. I love just checking put what ridiculous things some people put! Normally I don’t get so comprehensive spammers as your greatest hits, though. The fact that they have mention your post is quite a spam achievement!
    PS. Those are some mean plagorising germs!

    • I don’t imagine that germs would be very friendly. The green in the corner seems the friendliest though. πŸ˜‰ Yeah, the spam box keeps me entertained. I’m sure I’ll have future posts to come.

  4. That picture is amazing!

    I don’t usually read spam, but it can be amusing. I think I once made poetry out of the subject lines of e-mail spam.

    Note that I didn’t say GOOD poetry… still, it was fun.

  5. Bwahahaha…this post made my morning. πŸ™‚ Not only am I the same way (I have to delete those spam comments or their mere presence drives me mad), but your replies to the spam had me literally lol’ing. πŸ™‚

    Currently my spam box is empty so I can’t share anything specific, but I think the worst one I ever got was just a string of obscenities and vulgarities. Just one “bad” word after another, no capitalization, no punctuation, no point. It was either a really terrible spam, or someone really, REALLY hated my blog. lol

    • I get those sometimes. If they’re going to spam, they could at least be creative, right? I’m glad you enjoyed it. Someday there will be a sequel. Just takes time to sort through the comments and put it together, but it is coming. Thanks for stopping by. πŸ˜€

  6. Hi I’m visiting your blog from the LPalmer chronicals and enjoyed your post. When I saw that wordpresszx had filtered out something like 360 spam messages the other day, I couldn’t help wondering if some had been legit.
    You can always live in hope.

    • I think they do. For the sequel to this post I glanced through 100+ or so. Unfortunately for my post a lot of them were duplicates, but still grateful WP filters them all the same. Thanks for visiting!

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