The Dreaded Cold

Yesterday morning I had that feeling. You know the one. Feels like cotton lines your throat and no matter how much you swallow it just won’t go away? That’s the one.

Cuz let’s face it. The only cotton I want lining my throat is of the candy persuasion. Candy is dandy

If we really wanted world peace, we’d put all our efforts into finding a cure for the common cold. Not that I haven’t tried myself, mind you. Let’s go through the several attempts Jae makes when trying to cure a cold. Some I’ve abandoned, others I still use. Let’s see if any sound familiar to you.

FRUITS AND VEGGIES

I juice it–a juice it good! Carrot, apple, ginger is a good combo, light on the ginger heavy on the carrot. If you juice an orange do it sans peel, unless you like a little bitter in your sweet.

I’ve also done carrot, beet, red cabbage, apple, red pepper. More veggie taste, but not only does it give the system a straight shot of vitamins, it clears toxins.

Oranges have vitamins, especially the C kind, but on a sore throat, it might as well be straight vinegar I’m consuming. Solution? Bake it. That’s right, pop it in the oven at 350 degrees, peel on for 20 minutes. Be careful, it’s hot, but not so stingy and oh so delicious!

APPLE CIDER VINEGAR

Speaking of vinegar, many people swear by the healing effects of ACV. It has something to do with balancing acid-alkaline levels or some such. Any of you who thought taking Nyquil was a nasty trip to pukeville haven’t met Nyquil’s less nice brother ACV. It’ll keep you shuddering for hours, and your stomach will beg you for the days of Nyquil instead.

I did this for a few colds until my stomach told me no more. So I’m leaving ACV to do its duty as a natural flavor enhancer, and I leave the curing of the cold to other remedies.

SOME LIKE IT HOT!

I read somewhere that colds don’t like humid air (despite people still catching them in humid places, like all the southeastern states). I went and purchased the cheapest Vicks warm mist humidifier Walmart had available, and I do notice a difference in the morning. Hiding under your covers to the point of near suffocation works in a similar fashion if you’re too cheap or lazy to grab a humidifier. (Sometimes it works better).

Hot baths are something else I recommend, to sweat those germs right out. In fact, that was the belief while I lived in Japan, though they just layered up at night while they slept to sweat the germs away. I hate being that hot while sleeping, so I’ll stick to baths thank you very much.

One other thing I love is a witch doctor concoction my mom learned from my grandma who lived in a rural area during the time of no Walgreens. They call it Jane Ball. It’s petroleum jelly, and a bunch of other crazy crap, one of which might be turpentine (not kidding) but you rub it on your chest like Vicks vapor rub and it’ll torpedo a hole right through your stuffiness. I have no idea what the recipe is, but it’s aided many a roommate in their time of need and the stuff lasts for a very long time. Hmm… I’ll have to grab that recipe…

THE WORKS

Finally, I employ all the stuff you can snag at the pharmacy, Emergen-C, Airborne, nasal rinse, Nyquil, sinus decongestants, Zycam, Cold-Eeze, Ricolaโ€”oh yeah, I go for the full arsenal.

Airborne I don’t use as much after reading that they lied about their clinical trials and it’s essentially as good as taking a multi-vitamin. Since multi-vitamins are cheaper, meh. Emergen-C I’m sure is a lot the same, but it’s a lot of fun. What? You don’t know of the fun Emergen-C has to offer? Well, leave it up to the BFF to find fun ways to get anything done (that’s her sole motivation). You get a little water in your mouth and pour in a little Emergen-C from the pack, then it’s instant Pop Rocks. Although don’t pour in too much. The carbon tingles may sting…

The NetiPot/nasal rinse was something I strongly opposed in the beginning. I mean, why would you purposely waterboard yourself? But I’ve avoided some colds that way, and once you get used to it, it’s still strange but not bad. Anything for the sake of less cold, right?

COME ON, SCIENCE

In the end, I wish science would stop studying how snakes respond to robosquirrels and put all their efforts into curing the common cold. That’s something we could all agree is worth the time and money. Someday… someday…

Until then, I wish you a happy, healthy day. Go do something for me, will you, like running a mile or climbing Mount Everest? I’ll be here, tucked into my bed with my monkey pajamas.

Do you ever employ crazy remedies to take care of a cold? Do any of them work? Have you tried any of these remedies yourself? Let me know below. I need something to keep my mind off my sore throat…

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13 thoughts on “The Dreaded Cold

  1. Hope you’re feeling better! I have to say, I’ve never heard of baking an orange, and it just seems so wrong in a sense lol, but I’m a water/powerade person when I start feeling icky. Lots of water to flush out the system. Unfortunately, I’ve come across very little in the way of helping a sore throat (which is the one thing that really bothers the heck out of me), but the liquid tylenol cold stuff does help ๐Ÿ˜€

  2. Oh, you poor dear! I do hope you feel better ASAP!

    About remedies… Last month, my kids had a cough they couldn’t shake. I had seen this weird remedy like 3-100 times on Pinterest about putting Vicks on the feet of coughing kids, covering them with socks, and then letting them go to sleep. At the “why not, it can’t hurt” stage I tried this and the next day my kids’ cough was totally cured. I don’t get it, but it worked.

    As for a sore throat… When I was a smoker, smoking on a sore throat sucked. My husband learned from a comic book artist that if you eat Cherry Halls cough drops while drinking Cherry Coke it builds this coat in your throat that protects it from whatever you want to do with it (at the time, for us it was smoking).

  3. If you ever get that recipe, let me know! One of my hippie Bay Area friends converted me to garlic. When I feel sick, I fill a spoon with chopped fresh garlic, pour honey over the whole thing and gulp it down real fast. It’s nasty, but I swear it kept me from getting sick at least a half dozen times. Also supplementing with vitamin D in the winter helps to not get sick in the first place. So does avoiding sugar but that’s really hard. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4. Bahaha. Yeah, I keep a running tally of the advice I get from well-meaning people when I have a cold. My favorite? When I lived in Poland, everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) told me to mash up raw garlic with lemon juice and (wait for it) honey, then dilute it with about a cup of hot water and chug it.

    I have never been brave enough or miserable enough to try it.

  5. I have been sick all this week so totally get this post..Something my husband’s parents recommended for stuffed up nose etc. is to boil hot water, pour it into a large bowl, then cover yourself with a towel , lean over the hot water and breathe in/out the hot air/steam for as along as you can. It really helps clear your sinus’s but it’s not super fun.

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